I know this is suppose to be a positive blog about what I'm up to but tomorrow is Valentine's Day and it hurts. It makes me remember so many things and especially my married life.
There was so much about my relationship that I didn't know about and now that I do I wonder why I didn't see it all before. Why dates and events were so hard to remember now I know it was because they weren't as important as they were to me. Why some in laws treated me the way that they did was because they were told things about me that were negative when I didn't even realize there was something wrong. Why when I begged for my family not to be torn apart that it didn't matter and that it was ripped by the seams because it didn't mean anything to one and everything to me. Well, 26 years ago I met someone that changed my life forever and when I said "I do" 25 years ago that it would never be the same again but that I would be given four sons that mean the world to me and I wonder if that was all I was suppose to get from that relationship.
It still hurts and the tears still flow when I think about it all but it is getting easier to get up in the morning and get ready and go to work. To come home and make dinner and spend time with Josh and do homework or go to class and then go to bed and sometimes on really good days I may not even remember him. I can now go several days without shedding tears and I think that I'm getting stronger.
In the last year and a half since the divorce I have advanced in my career, graduated from college with my Bachelor's Degree and have been accepted and I am in graduate school working on my Master's Degree. I'm not saying things are perfect but I feel like I'm walking with my head a little higher and think more of myself than I have in many years. I'm beginning to feel I'm really worth something.
Sorry if this blog has been a downer and no boys I'm not changing it this time because I don't think anyone ever reads them and this is for me.
There was so much about my relationship that I didn't know about and now that I do I wonder why I didn't see it all before. Why dates and events were so hard to remember now I know it was because they weren't as important as they were to me. Why some in laws treated me the way that they did was because they were told things about me that were negative when I didn't even realize there was something wrong. Why when I begged for my family not to be torn apart that it didn't matter and that it was ripped by the seams because it didn't mean anything to one and everything to me. Well, 26 years ago I met someone that changed my life forever and when I said "I do" 25 years ago that it would never be the same again but that I would be given four sons that mean the world to me and I wonder if that was all I was suppose to get from that relationship.
It still hurts and the tears still flow when I think about it all but it is getting easier to get up in the morning and get ready and go to work. To come home and make dinner and spend time with Josh and do homework or go to class and then go to bed and sometimes on really good days I may not even remember him. I can now go several days without shedding tears and I think that I'm getting stronger.
In the last year and a half since the divorce I have advanced in my career, graduated from college with my Bachelor's Degree and have been accepted and I am in graduate school working on my Master's Degree. I'm not saying things are perfect but I feel like I'm walking with my head a little higher and think more of myself than I have in many years. I'm beginning to feel I'm really worth something.
Sorry if this blog has been a downer and no boys I'm not changing it this time because I don't think anyone ever reads them and this is for me.
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